After a closed-door meeting with various member nations of the UN Security Council, it was announced today that President Trump, unlike past presidents, would only focus U.S. military “intervention” on people of African, South and Central American, and Middle Eastern countries, or “shitholes,” as the President prefers to refer to them.
“It’s a real win for everyone here,” said Teressa May, in between sips of formaldehyde.
Norway was also thrilled, with one leader saying, “I’d expected total annihilation. Such a relief.”
National Security Advisor and elderly porn star mustache enthusiast John Bolton spoke to the press saying, “Never in our history have we had a President with such a respect for human life…” (pausing) “…where it matters.”
Nigerian President Muhammadu Buhari was less excited about the situation, saying only, “Fuck.”
Editor’s Note: the above piece is satirical fiction and not to be taken as serious news.
Michael David Raso has worked as a writer, editor, and journalist for several different publications since graduating from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. If you like this piece, you can read more of his work here.
