If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to run a racist goblin with no knowledge, experience, or interest in understanding the nuances of state and local government, you have a friend in Eddie Rispone, a man so impressively intellectually bankrupt, that he may, in fact, win. When asked about his plans for literally anything, he simply responded, “Plans are for fools. I’m with Trump.”
Corey Gooseman of Glenmora says, “I loved the economic policies of Bobby (deadnamed, Piyush) Jindal, but I really felt like he could have done more to address the lack of racism.” Rispone agreed, calling New Orleans a sanctuary city, and repeating “I’m with Trump!” To prove it, Rispone has taken to dog-whistling on a regular basis.
Rispone has also been compared to David Duke. “Like Duke, I am a man of the people,” Rispone declared, removing his white hood. “Look, my wife cuts my hair!” He added, “Just because David Duke and I both think Donald Trump is the perfect president, doesn’t mean I have the same beliefs. For example, I am far too handsome to remake my entire face.” He paused, then muttered wistfully. “Unless I could look like Donald. Stable, handsome, genius…Donald. I’m with him, you know.”
Despite having never read the state constitution, Rispone has many ideas of how to improve it, such as letting special interest organizations like the Pelican Institute rewrite it. “I want a Constitutional Convention in the worst way,” said Rispone. “I want a lot of old white men in suits at my convention, guys that never get heard. And I want those drinks with little umbrellas at the bar. The conventioneers will have hats, lots of balloons. The pens will have “Rispone” in gold letters.” Turning to an aide, he added, “Write this down. I want little hot dogs wrapped in dough with little toothpick flags that say “Rispone <3 Trump.”
This reporter finds it hard to believe that Rispone is genuinely against medical marijuana as he appears to have been sampling the goods.
Michael David Raso is a writer, editor, and journalist who has been featured in several different publications since graduating from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette.