America’s Top Christian Still Confused About Basic Christianity


President Donald “Raw Dawg” Trump was on a roll at the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House.

Sounding ever more presidential Donald Trump praised his wife Melania’s “Be Best” eggs in a speech from the White House verandah. “Melania’s eggs are not only the best, but they are also the biggest. For a while there, she and Ivanka were neck and neck, but after a brief hospital visit last year, Melania’s are…stop tugging at my jacket, Melania…what? Easter, right, right…”  

Turning to a more Christian topic, Trump reiterated his love for walls. “Let me be honest. I just love walls. When that baby is built, I am going to grab it like it’s the American flag. I’m the big dog. My scent will be on that border if I have to hump that wall myself.”

During a surprisingly political Easter, Trump only briefly touched on Jesus, who he said was, “A very fine person. Jesus – he wouldn’t have impeached me. People don’t know this but he was a carpenter. He’d be at the border, building the wall. Nothing says carpentry like a big wall.”

Stepping down from the verandah, Trump shared a charming moment coloring with some of the younger children. He called on Sarah “I Hate Huckabees” Sanders only once, ordering her to issue a statement to the press regarding an incident with the Conway children.

Sanders gleefully took up her position in a bush on the east lawn. “When the President took all the crayons, told the children they were fired, and that their father should ‘fuck off,’ he was obviously only joking.”

One reporter managed to catch First Lady “Be Best” Melania Trump before she could make a hurried exit. Asking what on earth her husband was talking about, the First Lady replied, “Easter is a beautiful time of death and resurrection. Kill me, please. Just let me die.”

Altogether, it was the best holiday that the President has hosted yet.


Michael David Raso has worked as a writer, editor, and journalist for several different publications since graduating from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette.

Help Keep Big Easy Magazine Alive

Hey guys!

Our fundraising drive through GoFundMe has progressed well enough for us to sustain most of the magazine operations into the next month. As of June 1st, we're at $1400, but we’ve decided to extend our deadline to June 15th and make $3500 our new goal.

We’re so grateful to our friends, our families, our neighbors, and especially our readers for chipping in, sharing, and donating to the cause of local progressive media. Your support has lifted us up so much and will most assuredly not be lost or forgotten.

If you care about local independent progressive media in an era where multi-millionaires such as John Georges are monopolizing our local press, then please donate any amount you can to make our operation a success. We can do this! Do not give up.

What else can you do if you’ve already donated and can’t donate anymore? Share our content on Facebook and tell people about our fundraising operation. Call and email others who may be able to give. We believe in you because you believe in us and together we can ensure Big Easy Magazine becomes a progressive icon for New Orleans and an inspiration for the expansion of progressive media around the world.

Thank you,
Scott Ploof
Publisher
Big Easy Magazine


Time Left to Donate:

Share this Article

Add Some Progress to Your Inbox
Big Easy Magazine sends weekly emails to keep you informed about what’s going on in our community and beyond.
We respect your privacy.